{"id":163798,"date":"2020-08-19T12:13:00","date_gmt":"2020-08-19T10:13:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/plumvillage.org\/articoli\/dealing-with-difficult-relationships\/"},"modified":"2020-09-21T22:46:11","modified_gmt":"2020-09-21T20:46:11","slug":"dealing-with-difficult-relationships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dev.plumvillage.org\/it\/articoli\/dealing-with-difficult-relationships","title":{"rendered":"Dealing with Difficult Relationships"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"has-large-font-size\">In the latest in our &#8220;Ask a Zen Master&#8221; series, we revisit three answers from our teacher, Thich Nhat Hanh about how to wisely be with difficult relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-pullquote\"><blockquote><p><em>To love is not just to receive, but to give.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"800\" height=\"551\" src=\"https:\/\/dev.plumvillage.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/En_circle.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-150635\" srcset=\"https:\/\/dev.plumvillage.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/En_circle.jpg 800w, https:\/\/dev.plumvillage.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/En_circle-499x344.jpg 499w, https:\/\/dev.plumvillage.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/En_circle-768x529.jpg 768w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>Most of us have experienced difficult relationship in our lives. Often times, we may suffer repeatedly from a person&#8217;s actions. Not only can it be difficult to forgive them, it can tempting to want to withdraw or walk away to protect ourselves. We may not realize that the other person could be seeking our love in unskilful ways. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">What to do when we find another person\u2019s presence not nourishing?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>How do we spend time with a person whose presence we find difficult to be around? Do we understand what they need or want from us?  They may in fact be looking for love and understanding from us.  Can we cultivate enough wisdom to help them? To love is not just to receive, but to give. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Even if we step away from a relationship, we will be left with a feeling of helplessness that we have somehow failed to help another person. If we withdraw, we can still continue to think about how to help the other person. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-pullquote\"><blockquote><p><em>In Buddhism we call it &#8230;..not abandoning anyone<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote><\/figure>\n\n\n<figure class=\"video-embed align\"\">\n\n    <script>var $tLu_FSjrqKg858 = '<iframe loading=\"lazy\" id=\"hyperyoutubeplayer\" data-player-type=\"youtube\" title=\"What to do when we find another person\u2019s presence not nourishing? | Thich Nhat Hanh, 2014 07 30\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/tLu_FSjrqKg?feature=oembed&#038;modestbranding=1&#038;rel=0&#038;enablejsapi=1&#038;origin=https:\/\/dev.plumvillage.org&#038;playsinline=1&#038;autoplay=1\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe>';<\/script>      <div class=\"video-wrapper\">\n                  <a class=\"play \" aria-label=\"Play Video\" href=\"#\" data-embed-link=\"$tLu_FSjrqKg858\" data-target=\"tLu_FSjrqKg858\">\n          <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/i.ytimg.com\/vi\/tLu_FSjrqKg\/maxresdefault.jpg\">          <span class=\"icon icon-bg icon-play\"><\/span><\/a>\n                          <div class=\"iframe-target iframe-target-tLu_FSjrqKg858\"><span class=\"icon icon-close\"><\/span><div class=\"iframe-container ratio ratio-16x9 dropzone\"><\/div><\/div>\n              <\/div>  \n      \n<\/figure>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:100px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Do we have to forgive everything?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>In the first part of the answer, we learn how to ask for forgiveness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-pullquote\"><blockquote><p><em>We have to learn from our unskilfulness<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>In the second part, we learn how to forgive by being able to see the suffering and unskillfulness of the other person. We see that this person is in fact the first victim of their own suffering. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-pullquote\"><blockquote><p><em>Suffering is at the base of all&#8230;. kind of acts and words that make you suffer<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>It is easy to forgive when we can see this even if they have repeatedly caused us to suffer. Without this kind of understanding, forgiveness will be difficult.<\/p>\n\n\n<figure class=\"video-embed align\"\">\n\n    <script>var $MQG6rVYsqp8891 = '<iframe loading=\"lazy\" id=\"hyperyoutubeplayer\" data-player-type=\"youtube\" title=\"Do we have to forgive everything?\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/MQG6rVYsqp8?feature=oembed&#038;modestbranding=1&#038;rel=0&#038;enablejsapi=1&#038;origin=https:\/\/dev.plumvillage.org&#038;playsinline=1&#038;autoplay=1\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe>';<\/script>      <div class=\"video-wrapper\">\n                  <a class=\"play \" aria-label=\"Play Video\" href=\"#\" data-embed-link=\"$MQG6rVYsqp8891\" data-target=\"MQG6rVYsqp8891\">\n          <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/i.ytimg.com\/vi\/MQG6rVYsqp8\/maxresdefault.jpg\">          <span class=\"icon icon-bg icon-play\"><\/span><\/a>\n                          <div class=\"iframe-target iframe-target-MQG6rVYsqp8891\"><span class=\"icon icon-close\"><\/span><div class=\"iframe-container ratio ratio-16x9 dropzone\"><\/div><\/div>\n              <\/div>  \n      \n<\/figure>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:100px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">My father makes me suffer a lot. Should I keep seeing him?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>This emotive question comes from a young person who has visited Plum Village many times. The question was whether he should keep seeing his father and whether he should keep trying to change him. Thich Nhat Hanh&#8217;s answer focused on the fact that he can change his father without seeing him, because he can change his father within him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Our father, partner, our community are not outside of us, they are inside of us. If we change ourselves first, change the father inside of us, and then the transformation of the father &#8216;outside&#8217; can happen. We begin by accepting the other first, before we try to change them. We begin to model the behaviour we would like to see. Never losing our hope is a very deep practice. Our teacher also addresses how we can help our communities to renew themselves and reconcile with our partners.<\/p>\n\n\n<figure class=\"video-embed align\"\">\n\n    <script>var $u_yLDHcH6LI298 = '<iframe loading=\"lazy\" id=\"hyperyoutubeplayer\" data-player-type=\"youtube\" title=\"My father makes me suffer a lot. Should I keep seeing him? | Thich Nhat Hanh answers questions\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/u_yLDHcH6LI?feature=oembed&#038;modestbranding=1&#038;rel=0&#038;enablejsapi=1&#038;origin=https:\/\/dev.plumvillage.org&#038;playsinline=1&#038;autoplay=1\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe>';<\/script>      <div class=\"video-wrapper\">\n                  <a class=\"play \" aria-label=\"Play Video\" href=\"#\" data-embed-link=\"$u_yLDHcH6LI298\" data-target=\"u_yLDHcH6LI298\">\n          <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/i.ytimg.com\/vi\/u_yLDHcH6LI\/maxresdefault.jpg\">          <span class=\"icon icon-bg icon-play\"><\/span><\/a>\n                          <div class=\"iframe-target iframe-target-u_yLDHcH6LI298\"><span class=\"icon icon-close\"><\/span><div class=\"iframe-container ratio ratio-16x9 dropzone\"><\/div><\/div>\n              <\/div>  \n      \n<\/figure>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>In the latest in our &#8220;Ask a Zen Master&#8221; series, we revisit three answers from our teacher, Thich Nhat Hanh about how to wisely be with difficult relationships.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1140,"featured_media":163800,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"sync_status":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"","castos_file_data":"","podmotor_file_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"","filesize":"","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":"","itunes_episode_number":"","itunes_title":"","itunes_season_number":"","itunes_episode_type":"","ep_exclude_from_search":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1987],"pv_series":[2775],"class_list":["post-163798","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-articoli","pv_series-ask-a-zen-master-it"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dev.plumvillage.org\/it\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/163798","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dev.plumvillage.org\/it\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dev.plumvillage.org\/it\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dev.plumvillage.org\/it\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1140"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dev.plumvillage.org\/it\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=163798"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/dev.plumvillage.org\/it\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/163798\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dev.plumvillage.org\/it\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/163800"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dev.plumvillage.org\/it\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=163798"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dev.plumvillage.org\/it\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=163798"},{"taxonomy":"pv_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dev.plumvillage.org\/it\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pv_series?post=163798"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}